Ani Bernard

Hi, and welcome!

This is The Story of A.

Or, more precisely, my story.

My name is Ani, and I’m just your typical 30-something woman trying to make her way into the world. I’m a professional writer and blogger, and I’m a (once again) full-time psychology student.

But I’m also pretty obsessed with sex and relationships, and this is where I share my more personal thoughts and essays with the world.

My story

We all have one. Mine starts in Québec and moves to British Columbia, Alberta and back to British Columbia, which I have now made my permanent home. I have grown roots here over the years, both kinky and not, and I hope that they will sustain the branches and leaves of the rest of my life.

Every since my sexual awakening in my teenage years, I’ve known I was kinky. I grabbed any bondage porn I could get my hands on in the time of dial-up internet and newsgroups. I didn’t quite have the words for it, and to be honest I was a bit ashamed, but I soon gave in to how I was wired.

It wasn’t until I met my second serious boyfriend, at 20, that I really understood how deeply I was attuned to submission and kink. He was my first openly kinky boyfriend, and he showed me the power of submission and kinky play.

I wasn’t much into pain back then—that’s come in my life more recently—but I knew I was into bondage and submission. Grab my hair, make me kneel, put some cuffs on me, and see me get wet as hell.

To be honest, our sex life was pretty hot. Although the relationship was not meant to be, I had now dipped a toe in the kink waters… and I wanted to jump full in.

…And then commitment happened

I was 23, and in my third year in university. He was handsome. I was lonely, and flattered by his attention. We connected over video games, geekery, and sex.

The story of our relationship is a long and torturous one, with blame to throw on both sides. But the point is: it became sexless about 2/3 of the way.

And if you’re a highly sexual person, and can’t get what you need, it can get pretty depressing pretty quickly. How I survived? Lots of wine. Meditation. Then leaving.

And it’s after leaving him, after sitting with myself for a few months and reflecting on my future, that I set my sights on writing about sex and relationships, and pursuing degrees in psychology and clinical counselling. I want to help, because I don’t want others to suffer the way I did.

And this is how The Story of A was born.

Portrait of Ani

Relationships are hard

If there’s one thing I’ve learned in my first year of living a single, solo polyamorous life, it’s that relationships are hard. Is there anything more difficult, more fraught with landmines, than relating to another person?

Add sex to the mix, and you’re in troubled waters. Sex is already hard enough to manage by ourselves, imagine having to manage it with another person!

And if you happen to be kinky, like me, there’s a whole other layer to navigate: that of ensuring your physical and emotional safety when engaging in risky activities. And that requires superior relationship skills.

This is as much a way to educate myself as it is to help others. By sharing my experiences and analyzing them, I can learn about how to be a better friend, a better lover, a better partner. And hopefully you’ll find things for yourself to learn in them too.

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