I think comfortable underwear is the secret weapon of modern women.
A couple of years ago, after a few rounds of weight gain, I went through my underwear drawer and had a good, long look.
Thong. Thong. Brazilian cheeky. Thong. Thong. G-string. Thong. Guess what? Another thong.
My god, I could have opened a store specialized in buttcrack floss.
I came of age in 2000… which is right when Sisqo had his Thong Song hit.
(You don’t have to watch it. It’s full of fun youth memories for me though, so it’s kinda fun. I can still shake my ass like nobody’s business.)
But then, I was basically 17. I still had a nice ass to shake.
How was it that at 28, I was still wearing pretty much just thongs, even though I’d been in a long-term relationship for 5 years already, and that it wasn’t even a good one?
How was it that I walked around campus pulling on my underwear every 5 minutes because it got uncomfortably lodged in my crack?
What kind of crazy social expectations made me feel like I had to wear this stuff?
Uncomfortable = unsexy
I don’t think there’s anything sexy about feeling uncomfortable. I mean, nothing breaks your sexy heel-walking gait like a pull on the underwear. Soooo attractive, amirite?
There are so many things that women feel they must do in order to look sexy. And often it’s not for themselves, but for men. Wearing bras? For men. Shaving our legs? For men. Wearing thongs? Well, that song says it’s sexy, so we MUST do it so that men will find us as sexy as all those models on the beach!
Because obviously that’s the thing that we should all strive for. (Can you hear my eyeroll?)
Here’s the thing: being uncomfortable makes me feel unsexy. Always thinking about whether or not my underwear is going to invade my ass is not the way to make me feel confident and outgoing and ready to flirt.
So that one day when I realized that all my thongs were too small anyway, I went shopping for underwear.
And I bought not a single thong.
I bought full-covering, high-waisted, COMFY stuff.
And I have never ever gone back.
Do you know how amazing it is to walk around doing daily stuff and NOT have worry about whether or not you’ll end up with, as we say in Québec, the BPCs (bobettes pognées dans la crack, or underwear stuck in crack)?
Do you, people who expect us to wear matching bra-and-panties set that include itchy lacy stuff and buttcrack floss, understand that we are people with shit to do, and that comfortable underwear is the best way to go about our day without wanting to punch someone in the face?
Bikinis and hipsters. That’s all I go for now. Because I can’t stand discomfort when it comes to underwear anymore.
Comfort is in your best interest
Comfortable underwear is in your best interest, ladies and gentlemen. For both yourself and your partner. I would never ask my partners to wear anything they weren’t comfortable in, unless it’s for like 5 minutes of giggles. If I was a dominant, I would certainly not pretend to know what kind of underwear it was best for my sub to wear, and force them to wear whatever I want. And I dare any dominant I am or will be in a relationship with to do the same. You’ll get a full serving of my snark and “fuck you” attitude, along with a hard limit call.
Because I care about my partner’s health and comfort. Because them being not cranky at the end of the day because of bad underwear is in my best interest.
Ladies, wear comfortable underwear. Embrace the short slips and the french-cut briefs. I have. And I haven’t had a reason to bark at someone just because my panties were stuck in my crack for quite a while (yes, that’s happened).
I really like Jockey’s brand underwear, but I urge you to experiment. Let go of your thong obsession!