Being “top of mind” doesn’t just apply to marketing… try this process for staying top of your lover’s mind when it comes to sexy times.

woman texting

When it comes to sexual power, there’s one thing I love more than anything else: being on a man’s mind.

Sure, you could entrance him with your body, offer him his favourite drink and meal, and keep him captive in your bed for a few hours, but being on his mind is, in my experience, more powerful than anything you could do face-to-face.

Being on his mind means he’s thinking of you every minute, every second. Being on his mind means he’s distracted, crazy, imagining doing all kinds of things to you, that he’s all yours.

All although that might happen on its own, you can, hmm… speed up the process by using a few subtle little techniques.

Start with being interesting

Sure, you won’t be interesting to everyone, but there’s a way to improve your conversation powers with those who do find you interesting.

The one secret to good conversation? Being a good listener.

I used to think that conversation was about me being heard, me being loud, me being right. And I lost several friendships because of this attitude. So I started to learn to listen. Actually, I learned this skill from The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change by Stephen Covey. This is the kind of book you read regularly—once a year for me. There’s always new information to glean from it.

Practicing active listening has literally changed my life. It has changed my relationships and improved my social skills. It has made me aware that I have a deep vein of wisdom and a generous capacity for listening that I could use professionally. (I’ll tell you about that another day.)

So, if you want to captivate him and be constantly on his mind, you first need to listen to him. Ask questions about his interests, his feelings, his desires. Glean as much information as you can about the things that turn him on, both physically and intellectually.

With that information in hand, you can then start developing conversations about what he enjoys talking about, which will make him simply love your company. And you don’t need to sacrifice your interests either: ideally, you want to find topics that interest you both. It needs to be fun for you too, and it’s easier to get the conversation going if you like the subject as well.

Hook him in

You’ve caught his interest. He listens to you, responds to you, and shares things about himself easily. He trusts you and feels comfortable around you.

That’s great!

Now you can move on to the next step.

Hooking him in is easy if you already have his attention. You just need to push it a little further with some sexy flirting.

Is your guy a cerebral being with lots of fantasies and erotic thoughts? Sexts that tell a story will reel him in for sure.

If he’s the more visual type, who enjoys looking and touching, sexy selfies is the way to go. (Read about how to sext safely from Mashable and GQ.)

Always remember, though, to be yourself. If you’re not the type to be forward with your desires, you can drop subtle hints, like you feeling horny and wearing sexy underwear. If, like me, you’re more aggressive, then you will have no problem just saying how much you want to drop his pants and suck him off until he cums in your mouth.

Follow his lead

Once you’ve opened the conversation, follow his thoughts. Is he asking for more details? Men are usually more visual, so bring out the descriptive words: is your skin red with desire? Are your eyes open or closed as you give him his pleasure? What’s the color of your panties? In what position are you lying down for him?

Some men just like to be talked to, but a lot actually like to participate. For each action he describes, respond with something that brings up the heat. Open your legs wider. Talk about how wet you’re getting, how you’ve started with a low moan that’s now climbing to a noticeable almost-scream. Tell him how heavy you’re breathing, how hard your nipples are.

But most of all, tell him and show him how much you want him.

People like to feel wanted. There is no better aphrodisiac than feeling someone’s need for you. How they touch you. How they look at you. How they talk to you. How they kiss you. So find out how you like to show desire—with a sultry kiss? with a hit of thigh at the restaurant? with candles and a his favourite meal?

He’ll tell you—from hints when you’re actually having sex, or when you’re sexting—how he likes to be teased and turned on. Keep these things in mind and play with them. If he’d like you to be a little kinkier (or YOU would like him to be kinkier), sexting is a safe space where you can explore those fantasies and ideas together.

Keep top of mind

There’s a principle in marketing called “top of mind”. This is where you position your brand or company as the first one that comes to mind when thinking about a certain product or service. You do that through establishing expertise, sending regular reminders, and just being generally awesome.

Well, you can totally do that with sex. Keep yourself top of mind when it comes to sexy times. When he thinks about sex, he’ll think of you. (And my experience with men is that they think about sex a lot.)

You can send him sexy texts at random moments during the day, but do it regularly. Maybe not every day, but at least every other day. Keep the desire alive by sexting during prolonged separation… and maybe follow it up with a hot phone sex session. (I love phone sex. Always have. But that’s another story.)

Hot, hotter sex

I find that revving myself up with some sexy texts during the day, especially the day of a date, is a great way to make sex hotter. It activates your imagination, drives your man wild with desire, and puts you in the mood for some sexy action.

What’s your relationship with sexting with your lover(s)? Do you do it often? Do you think you do it well? Share your stories!

Good advice? Helpful information? Thank me with a coffee!