Long-neglected pleasure centres come back to life after a little bit of exploration with a dildo, and a little size humility.

glass dildo on a table lighted

By Christina Xu on Flickr

If you’ve been reading me for a little while, you know I’ve said I’m not a big fan of dildos. In the past, they used to hurt me and they would get uncomfortable after a few strokes. I’d never really enjoyed using them, because it was just a few seconds and then mostly discomfort and pain. So I never really bothered, and focused on clitoral pleasure (and orgasms) instead, for years.

Then, after reading an article about sex toy safety, I threw away my old jelly/silicone dildos. I had two. And now I realize: both were way too big anyway. And that’s why I hated them.

However, I still have a nice, slimmer glass dildo with a handle long enough for me to use. (I’m short. I need a little help.) And thanks to this toy (and more lube), I’m rediscovering vaginal pleasure, and how it relates to my clitoral orgasms.

My dildo history

My first dildo was actually a stainless vibrator, my first one. I didn’t really know how to get an orgasm back then—all I knew was that it was supposed to feel good when I put things in my vagina. Mostly my fingers, which felt fine for my few few years of masturbation. So I got this vibrator and it was all bullet-like and metal-y and sleek.

I don’t remember getting much pleasure from it. It felt weird, and cold, and vibrations inside my vagina didn’t do anything for me. Thankfully though during this period I managed to find out how to get clitoral orgasms… and this is all I used it for after that.

So, even though I did get vaginal pleasure from intercourse, when it came to masturbation, I never really cared for it.

A little into my relationship with M., when I moved away to another city to pursue my studies, I bought two dildos for when we played together on cam: a medium one with a suction cup I could stick to the wall, and a bigger more traditional one. (It was quite big, considering.) I used them sometimes, mostly when we had long-distance sex. He wanted to watch me fuck myself, and I happily obliged.

But then, I never used them when I was alone and playing by myself. I just used my Hitachi and got on with it.

Turns out, I was doing dildo wrong

Recent play with new partners have included lots of fingering, and pleasurable too. So I started wondering if I’ve been doing dildo wrong all this time.

Armed with my now only swirly pink glass dildo, I surfed Tumblr for a little fantasy booster, made sure I got good and wet… and went at it.

And I realized that I could indeed get intense pleasure that didn’t turn into pain or annoyance after a few minutes. Turns out, all this time, I’d been doing dildo wrong: too big and not lubricated enough.

It seems I don’t need a giant fake cock to get myself off vaginally. A slimmer, more nimble piece that I can angle towards my G-spot and run in and out of my vaginal opening (FUCKING AMAZING) without much effort is perfect. The swirlies around the shaft give me just the right kind of sensation. And glass stays lubed up longer than silicone—at least in my experience.

More vaginal pleasure, better orgasms

I expanded my experimentation first to leaving the dildo inside of me while I used my Hitachi. Since I usually hold it with two hands, I didn’t move the dildo—just left it there.

That felt really, really good.

And then I thought I could start going very slowly with the dildo as I was cresting my orgasm, pushing against my top vaginal wall towards my G-spot.

That felt really, really, really good.

And then I stopped resisting the urge to fuck myself REALLY hard at the moment of orgasm (which I usually ask my partners to do with their fingers/penis anyway) and managed to do both…

…and my mind literally blew away.

I am now exploring more of how mixing vaginal and clitoral stimulation can enhance my pleasure. I’m spending a lot more time than usual masturbating (and I already spend a lot of time masturbating as it is…) and trying new combinations of movement and stimulation.

It’s a bit like rediscovering my body from scratch. A long-neglected area of my sexuality is waking up again, and honestly I can’t get enough of it…

Good advice? Helpful information? Thank me with a coffee!